Decades may have passed since his father left, but even at 50, the same lost kid still longs to embrace his father just one more time.
Written & Illustrated by Narvin Ganesh | Photos Courtesy of Manivannan Batumalay
One fateful evening in 1980. The last thing the eight-year-old Malaysian boy, Manivannan Batumalay, thought would happen to him was never being able to see his father again. Now, at 50, storekeeper Mani still remembers painfully how he was separated from his father.
Mani’s father, Batumalay was nothing less than a hero to him. The sudden loss and separation from the man that meant the whole world to him was nothing less than excruciating.
The Separation
Mani’s mother blamed his father for the death of his younger brother. This was the main reason behind his parents’ split in 1975. He mentioned: “I was always confused about everything that was happening.” Mani was a kid after all.
Following their split, Mani’s mother left him to stay with his grandparents at Selangor while she went to reside and work in Singapore. Taking this opportunity, his father would visit him frequently and take him to school daily. Mani grew distant from her and more attached to his father.
In 1980, Mani’s mother decided to leave everything behind and move to Johor Bahru together with him. “All I could think about was, ‘What about Appa?’” he shared. She left without saying a word to his father and forbade anyone from revealing their whereabouts.
The Longing
“I missed the small and special things sons get to do with their fathers,” shared Mani.
Mani (seventh from the left in the back row), entering his teenage years at Sekolah Menengah Aminuddin Baki.
Mani felt his father’s absence to be sorrowful. He described his life as a puzzle with a missing piece. “I hated my birthdays as they never felt the same without him,” Mani shared.
The Search
When Mani got married in 1997 at 23, he decided to start searching for his father together with his wife. They went back to Selangor but the place had completely transformed from what Mani had remembered. Disheartened, Mani realised it was not going to be easy to locate his father. “It was difficult to look for him because I had no photographs of him either,” he said.
In 2007, Mani managed to locate one of his father’s distant relatives who claimed to have last seen him working in a stall at the Selayang Bahru Pasar Borong (Market) but he was nowhere to be found. “Every trip to Kuala Lumpur has never been complete without looking for him,” he said with tearful eyes.
The Photograph
We may all have various prized possessions that we hold dear. For Mani, it was a mere photograph that he longed to have over the years.
The only remaining photograph of Batumalay.
His uncle had sent a picture of his father from the 1970s. The face that had faded from his memories over the years had finally reappeared, rekindling fond memories.
The Void in the Heart
Life without his father for the past 42 years has been melancholic for Mani, almost as if there was a void in his heart that will never be filled. Yet the love and affection he had towards his father have remained the same as of the 8-year-old boy in 1980.
With the absence of his father, a tattered photograph serves as the only reminder of his existence.