Love Beyond Barriers

In the world of interracial relationships, overcoming challenges is a shared journey. Two Singaporean couples delve deep into trust-building; a nuanced process that transforms hurdles into opportunities for a resilient bond. 

Written by: Tang Kai Qing Lorraine

Photos courtesy of: Dave Gurbani and Loh Caitlin

Dave Gurbani and Seah Vanessa on their wedding day

How It All Began

“I can still vividly recall the first time I saw her. I was working as a bellhop at one of the local hotels, where she was doing her internship,” Dave Gurbani, 33, fondly recalls, as he reminisced about the meet-cute with his now-wife, Seah Vanessa, 33. 

Challenges Unique to Interracial Relationships

Albeit they’ve had 16 years of a happy relationship, it has not always been a bed of roses for the interracial couple — Dave is Indian and Vanessa, Chinese — who found love beyond prejudices against interracial relationships that persist despite Singapore’s racial diversity. 

The couple rarely see their racial differences as barriers however their perceptions are different from those who hold a subconscious social expectation that people must date within their own race.

“When we’re out, we tend to get some stares from people,” explains Dave, adding that they get them, especially from people of the older generation. 

“Oh, you don’t date Indian girls ah,” is a comment Dave hears a lot and one which he finds unnecessary. To him, he did not fall in love with Vanessa because she is Chinese. It has nothing to do with race. 

Similarly, Loh Caitlin, 23, who is Chinese, and Ayden Mo, 24, of Indian descent, have also faced such experiences. 

Loh Caitlin and Ayden Mo in Bali

They were in junior college when they first met, and Caitlin’s friends would make insensitive microaggression jokes about her relationship. Even though they have been together for five and a half years, the stigma towards their relationship persists.  

As a content creator, Caitlin shares bits of her life through fashion, beauty and good eats. It is her online presence that has exposed her to hostile remarks towards her relationship. 

“People on TikTok are so emboldened and love to comment insensitive things on videos of us together,” Caitlin says, further expressing that she finds the comments on their relationship perplexing, as though dating between different races is rare.

Cultivating and Sustaining Trust 

Being ­interracial couples who face external pressures in society has undoubtedly added an extra layer of complexity to their relationships. Both couples emphasise the importance of establishing trust, which is the bedrock of their resilient relationships, ensuring external opinions do not drive a wedge between them. 

“If there is no support system in the relationship, there is no point in being in a relationship,” Dave says, emphasising the importance of fostering a strong sense of “we” in their relationship, especially when approaching hardships. This creates a safe space for both him and Vanessa to feel heard, and seen, and find comfort in knowing they can lean on each other for support.

Meanwhile, Caitlin and Ayden believe in consistent communication. “It is about learning to have difficult conversations even when it feels uncomfortable,”

To embrace their cultural differences, both couples make a conscious effort to actively learn and celebrate each other’s cultures. 

To do so, Caitlin and Ayden regularly attend cultural activities; such as mooncake making during Mid-Autumn Festival and gift exchange during Diwali. They try traditional foods and explore customs together.

Dave and Vanessa celebrate each other’s backgrounds by partaking in their families’ cultural practices. 

For example, Dave recalls feeding Vanessa a sweet bowl of tang yuan (glutinous rice balls) on their wedding day; a common Chinese wedding tradition in Vanessa’s family which symbolises family harmony. 

Through their relationship journey, a strong pillar of trust has been built in the many small moments where  Dave and Vanessa could navigate through tough tests and trials. 

As they usher in a new marriage chapter with their newborn, they expect to encounter new curveballs but they believe that the trust they have built will help their marriage­­ stand the test of time. 

In a similar manner, the trust Caitlin and Ayden share is what keeps them going. They eagerly await fresh adventures, while growing alongside one another.