The idea of “having it all” by a certain age has held its appeal across generations. With every society, there is a lot of pressure on young people to do well in life — get into a good school, then graduate and find a good job, all by a certain timeline. So what happens if we don’t?
Written by Dorothy Ng
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.
- The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost
The Beginning
Milestones are created from societal standards and are nothing short of arbitrary. Understanding the origins of these expectations is crucial — especially if we want to stop adhering to the outdated idea that not meeting milestones “on time” in life is a failure.
Research suggests that there are benefits to not reaching milestones on time. Let’s look at the book Late Bloomers: The Power of Patience in a World Obsessed with Early Achievement, authored by Rich Karlgaard (Forbes magazine publisher).
In it, he says, “The talents that we have to offer can emerge across a range of personal circumstances, not just in formal educational settings focused on a few narrow criteria of achievement.” Which means that we aren’t actually “behind on set time”, but just learning about who we are as people.
The Middle
Tales of late bloomers succeeding against their odds can be found everywhere as it can provide empowerment for those of us going through tough times. The issue arises when it reinforces conventional definitions of success.
For example, in 2018, Singapore released the ‘Life Beyond Grades’ programme. It embodied the late bloomer concept by highlighting people in the workforce who had subpar PSLE results and how despite that, they were living fulfilling lives. This inadvertently conveys the message that being a late bloomer is okay, but only if you’re eventually successful.
The End
What if achieving your goals later in life meant developing your own version of success?
I remember my parents’ disappointment after learning that I was enrolled into the Normal Academic stream in Secondary school. Hence, I worked hard and enrolled in the Polytechnic Foundation Programme to avoid the pressure of having to complete the challenging syllabus in Secondary Five.
Perhaps an ‘O’ level certificate would have given me better academic opportunities, but I was content to have taken another route and spared myself the burden of disappointing my parents.
When my friends confide in me about feeling behind, they often ask me for advice. I don’t think I gave them the answer they were looking for, but it’s what I would say to the younger me. The answer?
“Only I get to define my success, not anyone else.”
